How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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