my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize