There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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