Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
