Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
