You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
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