TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
