so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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