Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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