I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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