So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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