I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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