ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just want nice things and good sex
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
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