Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
