If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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