Kiss
Puke
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Acid is not a monday night drug
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
