I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
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