i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
