My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
