margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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