I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You dont lie about slip and slides
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
