Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
