Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
