based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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