Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
