We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
