I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
