Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
her facebook's as public as her vagina
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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