She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
