I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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