Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Randomize
