Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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