wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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