While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
