Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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