So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
