I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
True strength comes from lack of pants
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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