I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
