I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
