Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
