Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
