some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
