I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
