So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
