One girl and one boy is just not enough.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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