apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
