I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
