Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
