Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
