why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
My breasts were aching with rage.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
