i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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