She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
