The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I want a musical about memes.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
