please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
