can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You're like the curious george of whores
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Randomize
