so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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