It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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