I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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