I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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