He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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