He had one of those small greek statue penises
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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