No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
