these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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