she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize