cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
