just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
