glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
