I'll bet she douches with gravy.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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