The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
