I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
