Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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