Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
