Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
