Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
