I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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