Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
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