You were right. It hurts to walk today.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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