Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
