I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
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