ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
