I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
