doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
