I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
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Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
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Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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