she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
