remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
